not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
