today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
