if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
