Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
