My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
