Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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