I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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