I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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