i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
