I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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