It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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