I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
