Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
