She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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