hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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