Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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