Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
