The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
