Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
