the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
