didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We have started to decorate penises.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
