im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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