Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
