It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
