Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
