I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
