yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
