just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Verdict: uncircumcised.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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