you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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