No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
