Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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