R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
