I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
FUCK WHALES
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