4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
