I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm always down for nudity.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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