no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
