just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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