Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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