Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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