Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
