Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
