Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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