glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
