Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So squirting runs in the family.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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