it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
