Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
well you can't waste a boner
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
