I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
