I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
