Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
