his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
