This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
