dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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