I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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