I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
