I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I need moral support for this bender
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
